A Fine Balance

I just finished the second week on a new show - a series that will be filming until the end of October.  While my bank account and my dream of home ownership is thrilled, my creative drive isn't - and that's something I wasn't expecting.

This show is incredibly well written.  It's written by really strong women.  I *love* being surrounded by that.  However, I've got numerous scripts and story lines in my head and, despite getting up early on what is essentially my only day off to write, my own story lines are finding it difficult to come to the forefront.

This is something I have got to work through.  I have to.

I'm going to go out on an artist's date today.  I'm going to buy expensive coffees and head to my favourite stationary store on Granville Island and buy a really good pen.  I'm going to kick it old-school and sit by the ocean with a notebook made by a dear friend's Mum and write - anything - and see if I can peel back the layers of another's voice and find my own again...

One thing that continually astounds me about Creativity

One thing that continually astounds me about Creativity - or the Creative Mind - is how often it knows what the normal brain does not.

As a writer, to my detriment or not - I don't know yet - I like to let the first draft story have full reign. I plot and write my character's actions and thoughts.  Sometimes they do something I've never experienced or attempted.  When I'm working on a first draft, I don't let those details deter me - I just write the movie playing in my head and move along.  If it doesn't work, I'll amend it in editing, otherwise, what my brain shows me goes.

And occasionally, I'll stop writing a first draft (like I just did) and see if an action or plan my character has layed out *would* actually work in real life.  I'm happy to say that once again, my Creative Mind knew...  it will work and my character didn't lie to me.

It's a small success but I'll take it!

:: heads back to plotting ::

And so it begins...

Today has been an eventful day, and not a little stressful in it's own regard.  Today I signed and fedEx'd off my publishing contract.  I'm thrilled to be able to share more with you about the endeavour when details are provided for me, but rest assured I'm very happy and very grateful.

Today, I also signed on to do a TV series...  yes, I'm going to be excessively busy over the next 4 months.  Excessively.  Not only will I be working six days a week on the show, but at some point I'll be editing The Book.  I don't have a time-line yet for the production side of the publishing of it, but I can tell you that when I'm not looking at, prepping, or shooting an episode, I'm going to be hammering away at the keyboard getting those edits completed to everyone's satisfaction.

I'm going to be busy, tired, and (forewarned) probably cranky at some point - but I also couldn't be happier.  After all, who actually gets to fulfill two dreams at once!

I count every blessing...

What does the editor say??

What a whirlwind weekend - and it's not even finished yet!

Yesterday was the inaugural Raindance Independent Author Book Faire at Landsdowne Mall.

The Faire itself was a bit of a disappointment.  I didn't know what to expect, but when I arrived, I found a few tables set up in one of the rotundas with no signage at all.    The rotunda is circled by booths for cell phone companies and a couple of realtors, and we were in the centre of it.  The way the mall is set up, people walk around the rotunda - around the edge, they don't cut through, so without signage, people were walking around us, not realizing what was going on in the middle.  I did manage to sell three books, which, considering there were about 6 people I spoke with over 3 hours, isn't too shabby a  percentage.  There could have been a lot, lot more had things been organized differently.  I kept having to remind myself that this was the first event of it's kind, and not judge too harshly - they'll work it out for the next one, I hope!

The star of the event though was the Blue Pencil Session I had with the Editor's Association of Canada.  This was also what caused most of my nerves.  I submitted the first three chapters of Sole a couple of weeks ago to be assessed, and was almost apoplectic thinking I was going to be judged by someone who actually KNOWS writing.  I was convinced they were to going to call me out - but what I *did* get was a pleasant surprise.

I sat in a dingy back room off the rotunda with an editor across from me.  She asked what I thought the strengths and weaknesses were of the piece.  When I answered, she agreed.  Strength was the voice of the work, and the weakness was the pacing of the first three chapters.

What happened next surprised me.  She pulled out a three page report she'd written on the chapters and we proceeded to go through and discuss some of the choices I'd made in the writing.

The critiquing I got was completely invaluable!  I made a lot of rookie mistakes - using passive voice, verbs usage, and perhaps a bit of coyness that wasn't necessary.  I was also surprised that her main critique was that I fill in too much backstory at the beginning of the work.  Huh.  Interesting!  I had no clue.

She also mentioned that with my chapter structure, I showed some of the tension, but not enough - in short, I stopped the chapters too soon.  I should have led my readers further to the edge before ending the chapters.

When I told her how I wrote the thing - for NANOWRIMO, she then understood why a lot of the issues took place.  I got a bit too flowery in places because of word count etc.

When I told her that this had only really had one edit, she was amazed. Really amazed - and that is a credit to the original draft I think, and my Da, who line edited for me before this went out.

All in all, the feedback I got will only help me make my writing better, and made the whole day and cost of the event worth while.  Having someone other than a family member or friend who loves me say I have a talent for writing is a huge boost - and one of the validations an independent author rarely gets.  I'll hold onto that dearly.

By the end of my session - and we went longer than I was due - she said that she was left wanting to know what happened...  so I gave her a book.  HA!

I'm also proud of the display I had at my table.  I used patent black leather pumps as holders for my rack cards, which I think was clever.  My jacket design was eye-catching.

(don't mind how tired I look, it's been an exceedingly busy week, with training, prepping, and stressing)

All in all, it was a good day, and I got to spend it with my Da, who was so integral to the process it would be a crime if he weren't there...

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day!

RAINDANCE!!

I'll be heading to the Lansdowne Mall in Richmond relatively early - 10ish maybe?  I'll have books, heels, and rack cards at the ready!

At 12:30 I'll be meeting with an editor to go through some of my writing.  Now THIS will be interesting, and something I'm really looking forward to.  It's one thing to have people let you know that they enjoy your writing and stories - it's completely another to have a professional look over your work and give an opinion.  I'm excited but also really quite nervous.

Da is coming over from Victoria for moral support, and also, I think, because he's proud of the work he did on the book.  He should be proud!  The book looks fantastic.  I haven't seen him in a while, so it will be lovely to have a chat with him too.

I'm nervous that I'll not be received well.  I don't quite know what to expect, but I'm officially going public as a writer and it's daunting.  I'm getting better at the whole 'here's my work, welcome to my imagination' thing, I truly am - but ...  I have GOT to change that tape in my head.  I'm a writer.  I'm an author.  Full Stop.  I have to stop making excuses and just have faith in myself and my ability.  I know I'm no Kathryn Jane, and I also know I'm no Alice Munro.  Who I am is someone who writes a good, relatable story.  And that's something to be bloody proud of too!

Okay, notice what I did there?

I just turned that anxiety around.

It works.  For me, writing does that -whether it be in a physical journal, or just ramblings on a blog - it helps...

Thanks for listening - and if you find yourself with some time to spare tomorrow, come to Lansdowne Mall and see me!!

x

Heh.

Yesterday afternoon I signed up for the Raindance Independent Author Book Fair.  It's something I wanted to do - truly for the last 2 months since I found out about it.  Last night I spent the majority of the evening trying to talk myself out of it.

See, here's my dilemma.

As an independent author, I've go no one but my readers to get feedback from.  I have no way of knowing what I'm doing right or wrong.  I've sold books, which is great - no a lot, but some - but I've only had 5 reviews on amazon.  Less on goodreads.  Does this mean that the purchases were pity purchases?  Some perhaps.  Some were by my friends just to show support - some were by those who will actually read the book.  The reviews I have to believe were honest, and not just ego boosts.

As I head into this book faire, I have that crushing feeling that THIS is where I'll be found out.  I'll be laughed at, and looked at as not a real writer (which the logical side of my brain feels is tremendously ridiculous as EVERYONE there is independent - not just me...

I guess I have one giant case of the nerves!

I've got some ideas for my half of the table.  I've got some idea of a display and I'm desperate to purchase a pair of Manolos for it - even just for the display to be returned the following day...  I don't think I'm quite that desperate - I'll come up with something else clever...  perhaps a couple of drag queens standing behind me fanning me??  Handing out bon bons??

We'll see...

It was bound to happen...

I'm not sleeping much these days.  Blame a brain that won't shut down, a mattress that needs to be flipped or a needy feline, it's happening.  So once again, I found myself up before the dawn, bundled to the ears, sitting out on the deck in the bracing chill of an October morning.  It's an easy eye-opener as the espresso maker is warming up.

This morning I found myself sitting staring at The Seven Day Bad Date, and thinking it wasn't great.  Each sentence I read, each scenario that presented itself seemed contrived.  When I was working on it last week, I didn't feel that way; when I was writing it I didn't feel that way, but this morning I did.  I do.

I know I'm a new author, I know I have a unique voice in my storytelling, but what compels people to read?  To review?  What am I doing right and how do I fix this story?  Do I need to?

I flipped over to Amazon and I've got no new sales.  I flipped to goodreads and I've got no new reviews.  So is my creative voice an effective one?  Does that matter?

UGH.

I know I've got to market Sole.  I just don't know how.  It's a challenge to do anything with businesses when you work in the film industry because you are always unavailable during business hours.

All I know, and to end this rambling post, is that I have to do something differently.  I have to get involved in groups that don't rely on 9-5, I've got to move on, move up, and chalk this morning up to a bad creative moment.

Tomorrow will be better.