Heh.

Yesterday afternoon I signed up for the Raindance Independent Author Book Fair.  It's something I wanted to do - truly for the last 2 months since I found out about it.  Last night I spent the majority of the evening trying to talk myself out of it.

See, here's my dilemma.

As an independent author, I've go no one but my readers to get feedback from.  I have no way of knowing what I'm doing right or wrong.  I've sold books, which is great - no a lot, but some - but I've only had 5 reviews on amazon.  Less on goodreads.  Does this mean that the purchases were pity purchases?  Some perhaps.  Some were by my friends just to show support - some were by those who will actually read the book.  The reviews I have to believe were honest, and not just ego boosts.

As I head into this book faire, I have that crushing feeling that THIS is where I'll be found out.  I'll be laughed at, and looked at as not a real writer (which the logical side of my brain feels is tremendously ridiculous as EVERYONE there is independent - not just me...

I guess I have one giant case of the nerves!

I've got some ideas for my half of the table.  I've got some idea of a display and I'm desperate to purchase a pair of Manolos for it - even just for the display to be returned the following day...  I don't think I'm quite that desperate - I'll come up with something else clever...  perhaps a couple of drag queens standing behind me fanning me??  Handing out bon bons??

We'll see...

It was bound to happen...

I'm not sleeping much these days.  Blame a brain that won't shut down, a mattress that needs to be flipped or a needy feline, it's happening.  So once again, I found myself up before the dawn, bundled to the ears, sitting out on the deck in the bracing chill of an October morning.  It's an easy eye-opener as the espresso maker is warming up.

This morning I found myself sitting staring at The Seven Day Bad Date, and thinking it wasn't great.  Each sentence I read, each scenario that presented itself seemed contrived.  When I was working on it last week, I didn't feel that way; when I was writing it I didn't feel that way, but this morning I did.  I do.

I know I'm a new author, I know I have a unique voice in my storytelling, but what compels people to read?  To review?  What am I doing right and how do I fix this story?  Do I need to?

I flipped over to Amazon and I've got no new sales.  I flipped to goodreads and I've got no new reviews.  So is my creative voice an effective one?  Does that matter?

UGH.

I know I've got to market Sole.  I just don't know how.  It's a challenge to do anything with businesses when you work in the film industry because you are always unavailable during business hours.

All I know, and to end this rambling post, is that I have to do something differently.  I have to get involved in groups that don't rely on 9-5, I've got to move on, move up, and chalk this morning up to a bad creative moment.

Tomorrow will be better.